


Regret

by showkifamily



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mention of smut, Showki, mention of Hyungwon, mention of joohyuk - Freeform, mention of wonkyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showkifamily/pseuds/showkifamily
Summary: Shownu regretted being a coward than night. And putting his anger to Kihyun.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is a mention of Shownu's dating scandal that might upsetting for some people. if you feel triggered to this, please do not continue reading.

Yesterday was the last day of their world tour. Monsta X member decided to go to the hottest club to have fun tonight after all the exhausting preparation for the concert, and the concert itself. Even though they will have 14 hours flight tomorrow, but who cares. They needed to have some fun.

Kihyun hates going to the club. It’s too noisy and suffocating. He does like to drink and trying different kind of alcohol drink, but he preferred a can of beer at home rather than going to the club. But since for once everyone had agreed to do something together other than eating out, he can’t let it pass.

“Kihyun, when are you?” Minhyuk called him. “everyone is here. We agreed to meet at 10 remember?”. They didn’t go together to the club. Minhyuk and Jooheon went to buy souvenir before, Wonkyun couple also enjoying their date in the afternoon and Shownu had a meeting first with the managers.

“I’m on my way Min.” Kihyun said as he quickly hanged up the phone.

After 30 minutes deciding what to wear, Kihyun chose oversize black shirt which he tucked the front inside his matching tight ripped black pants, added with black collar around his neck. He also put on thin layer of make up to make him look fresh. And sexy.

“Guys, can you go get a room?” Hyungwon asked Wonkyun and Joohyuk couple who’s busy flirting and making out next to him. “I’m gonna go dance then” he added, being annoyed that no one even bother to respond to him.

Shownu on the other hand keep watching the clock on his phone. Somehow this place felt boring without Kihyun, especially when the other members are busy with themselves. He took his beer bottle and sit in the far corner of the club, watching over the other in case something happens. God knows how bad it could be when they got drunk. Someone has to stay sober.

“Hyung, what are you doing here by yourself. “ He heard familiar voice talking to him. He turned around to see Kihyun walking closer to him.

It must be from the beer he drank, but Kihyun looks hot tonight. The oversize shirt that almost slipped from his shoulder, the tight ripped pants that hugged his slender figure perfectly, and of course the choker, but did he put on make up too? Its barely noticeable but his lips looked more plump and soft. God, how Shownu just want to smash his lips on the younger’s.

“hyung, you okay? Do I look bad? I know I shouldn’t have worn this pants. Minhyuk made me buy this when we were in New York.” Kihyun said as he plopped next to Shownu.

“No, Ki. You look fine.” Shownu he averted his gaze to the dance floor. He realized how red his face must be, and he didn’t want Kihyun to notice. “uh..Should we dance?”

“Sure hyung.”

The DJ is good. Kihyun thought to himself. He played mostly upbeat music which Kihyun can pent up all his stress. Just dancing and jumping carelessly. Letting himself loose. But as he got too excited with the music and dance, he realized that the song got more and more sensual. He could see couples starting to dance sensually with their partner. He even swore he saw Minhyuk and Jooheon in the crowd grinding their body against each other. 

And without him realize, Shownu already sneaked his arms around his waist. The older’s chin rested on Kihyun’s shoulder, pulling the younger’s body closer. Kihyun’s body become so tense. It was too close. He could feel Shownu’s breath around his ear. But instead of resisting, he chose to lean in Shownu’s embrace. His head rested on Shownu’s shoulder. He too then realized that they start to grind to each other. His butt purposely grinded on Shownu’s crotch. And to his surprise, he found Shownu started to plant soft kisses all over his exposed neck.

“ahhh hyung.” Without he realized, he moaned to Shownu’s action. Kihyun felt weird but somehow he likes it.

“Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight Ki? Fuck you look amazing.”Shownu whispered to his ear. Lips slightly touching Kihyun’s now red ear shell.

A second later, Kihyun found Shownu already spun him around to face the bigger guy, hands gripping on Kihyun’s waist tightly. And all out sudden, Shownu crashed his lips on Kihyun’s. Again, Kihyun didn’t resist. He even opened his mouth, giving permission for Shownu’s tongue to explore his mouth.

Shownu pulled the younger closer. Their crotch brushed against each other. “Tell me to stop Ki. Because I can’t stop myself.” Shownu said in between their kiss.

“I don’t want you to stop hyung.” Kihyun is a mess right now. His mind went crazy. He can’t think of anything else other than Shownu.

“Let’s get out of here.” Shownu suggested as he dragged Kihyun along with him. They chose to spend the night in nearby motel. Going back to their hotel took a painfully long time which they can’t wait any longer and also risking themselves to be busted by the manager.

Shownu pushed Kihyun inside the small motel room and trapped Kihyun against the door as soon as he closed it. He pinned the younger’s hands against the door, his mouth still kissing Kihyun’s deeply. “Fucking beautiful.” Shownu said in between his kisses.

“ahh, please..” Kihyun was too overwhelmed with Shownu’s kisses. The older’s hand playing with his pink nipple. 

Shownu smirked, “Please what Ki?” he asked the younger. His voice is so deep it turned Kihyun even more.

“Please just fuck me hyung.” KIhyun begged. Fully desperate.

Kihyun woke up with someone’s arms around his waist. He blushed remembering what happened last night. He slowly removed Shownu’s arms and sit straight. Resting his back on the headboard.

Shownu suddenly wake up from Kihyun’s movement. He looked scanned the room, feeling confused from the unfamiliar place.

“Good..good morning Hyung” Kihyun said as he cover his upper body with comforter.

“Wha..what happened Ki? Why are you here? And we..we’re naked.” Shownu said, abruptly stand up and gathered his clothes. “did we…?” He asked Kihyun who is now confused .

“Yes..” Kihyun lower his head. Not daring to look at Shownu. Feeling ashamed of himself. Of course, why would someone like Shownu likes him. It was just a drunk sex. Nothing special.

“Listen Ki, what happened between us can’t leave this room. I don’t want anyone else to know especially the manager. “ Shownu grip both of Kihyun’s arms, looking at him with frustration, before finally leaving the room.

Kihyun broke down in tears. He feels so vulnerable. He should have control himself. He shouldn’t have let Shownu kiss him. He shouldn’t have felt happy to be in Shownu’s arms.

Kihyun and Shownu’s relationship is getting worse ever since. They both try to avoid each other and the member starting to notice it. Whenever Kihyun in the room, Shownu would leave and same goes the other way. Even on tv show where Kihyun usually put his arms around Shownu’s shoulder or arms, Kihyun no longer does that.

“Okay Ki. Tell me everything?” Minhyuk dragged Kihyun to silent corner after their practice.

“Tell you what?”

“Why are you avoiding Shownu hyung? And also, Why you look sad all the time? And you look thinner.” Minhyuk pointing out all the question he and the rest of the members have. It’s true, Kihyun barely eat anything these days. He lost his appetite.

“There is nothing wrong. Me and Shownu hyung are just fine.”

Clicking his tongue in frustration, Minhyuk added “Who are you trying to fool Ki? Ever since we got back from the tour, you guys been trying to avoid each other.”

Instead of answering Minhyuk, Kihyun just give the other small smile. Patted his shoulder before leaving the other even more confused. He couldn’t tell anyone about this. Not even his bestfriend. Shownu had warned him. And mostly, because he felt ashamed at himself. Shownu he knows was never into man, yet he felt like it was his mistake. He threw himself at the older.

Kihyun angrily stormed into the practice room. He saw Shownu and Wonho is talking to each other. He walks up to Shownu and slapped him hard across the cheek.

“What the fuck Kihyun” Shownu stood up, his body towering over Kihyun. Usually, the younger would feel intimidated but his anger had gave him courage to just stand still, even facing him, looking straight to the taller’s eyes.

“So that’s why you did what you did? If you already have a girlfriend you should fucking tell me! Don’t took advantage of me when I’m drunk. Leaving me alone in that fucking motel! I never thought you could be this low, hyung! Someone else’e wife huh? You got to be kidding me!”

Shownu was shocked with Kihyun’s sudden outburst. He eyes piercing gaze to Kihyun. His fingers curled into a fist trying to hold his anger. He could have punched Kihyun. Yes, it is easy. But he chose not too.

“Kihyun, calm down please.” Wonho who doesn’t understand anything, trying to calm Kihyun.

“No let me go Wonho hyung. I need to speak with that, asshole!” Kihyun trying to free himself from Wonho. And he succeeded. He stood in front of Shownu. Not even plan to back down.

“I didn’t take advantage of you. Just so you know, you wanted it just as much as I do. You fucking begged for it.” Shownu took a step forward, narrowing gap between him and Kihyun. He grabbed the younger jaw harshly. “You fucking begged for me to fucked you. Didn’t it feel good? My dick up your ass? You fucking slut” Shownu whispered to Kihyun’s ear. His voice dangerously low almost like a whisper.

KIhyun open his eyes wide from Shownu’s words. He pulled himself away. He found his hand gave Shownu another slap.

“I HATE YOU HYUNG!! I FUCKING HATE YOU.!” With that Kihyun leave the room.

It’s been two weeks since Kihyun left the dorm. But none of the members know the reason except Wonho and Shownu, of course. The two guys also been avoiding each other. Wonho was so angry of Shownu for doing the things he did to Kihyun. For hurting Kihyun.

The company decided to take a month off of their schedule. They need to fix Shownu’s dating scandal, and also giving Kihyun time off that he requested.

“Hyung, when will Kihyun hyung come back?” Changkyun ask Jooheon who is on his phone, trying to call Kihyun which the older never pick up. Kihyun has been avoiding everyone’s call.

“Hopefully soon, Changkyun-ah.”

Shownu overheard the maknaes conversation when he was having a glass of water in the kitchen. He felt bad for them. He felt bad for the members. He felt bad for Kihyun. He regretted being a coward when they had sex that night. Leaving Kihyun alone in a cheap motel. Avoiding him. And being a monster the day Kihyun confront him in practice room. “Kihyun, please come back. I’m sorry”

Days passed, the management finally able to handle Shownu’s dating scandal. Which makes Shownu felt slightly relieved . He was angry with the situation. He was framed. The article isn’t true. He never was dating that woman they mentioned. It was something that droved him to snapped at Kihyun that day in practice room. Even called him names.

And now, the thing with Kihyun still makes him restless. Almost everyday the maknaes always asking him or the other member about Kihyun’s whereabout. They even went to Kihyun’s parents house but he is not there.

Shownu dragged his tired feet inside the dorm. Only to find no one there. Usually Changkyun or Jooheon would sit in the living room, calling Kihyun, trying their luck for the vocalist to answer their call.

“Oh Hyung, you’re home?” Minhyuk said as he left Changkyun’s room, bringing a bowl of water.

“Hey Min, what are you doing with those water?”

“Changkyun has fever. We ran out of cooling sheet. Wonho hyung is out to get them and some medicine”

Instead of checking the youngest in his room, Shownu walk out of their dorm to have a call with their manager. He needs to get Kihyun back. He will convince his manager to call him and bring him home. Even if he has to do it with his own hand.

The next morning, Shownu woke up with Minhyuk shaking him, waking him up.

“Hyung, please take care of Changkyun this morning. Me and Hyungwon has schedule until afternoon. Joohoeon hasn’t came back from his parents’ home. And Wonho hyung left last night for his schedule. “

“Okay Min. Don’t worry. Just go to your schedule. Don’t forget to wear something warm.” He warned Minhyuk who already walk out his room.

Shownu went to brush his teeth before went to Changkyun’s room to check on him. He put his palm on the younger’s forehead. Still warm. He felt sorry for maknae. He doesn’t usually catch fever. The fact that he looks so weak broke his heart.

Decided to make Changkyun chicken soup, Shownu walked to the kitchen to start making some breakfast for himself too. He opened Kihyun’s cookbook that laying on the counter top. Turning each page to find chicken soup recipe, he saw Kihyun’s little scribbles in some of the recipe. It written really small and neatly. Small smile leaving his lips. He remembers how Kihyun always take care of the members well especially whenever someone got sick.

Shownu sighed. He had asked his manager to ask Kihyun to come back. But the later still hasn’t come. Does Kihyun no longer care about the member?

Just as he about to start to prepare the ingredients, he heard the front door opened. He quickly ran to the source of the sound, hoping its Kihyun who walks in.

And he was right. There he saw Kihyun with food container in both hands. His nose looks a bit red, probably because the cold weather. And he looks so thin. Way thinner than Kihyun was in beautiful era.

He saw Kihyun struggling with his stuff as he put his shoes in the rack, so Shownu walks to him offering the help. But much to his disappointment, Kihyun acts as if he didn’t see Shownu. He just walked past the leader and went straight to Changkyun’s room.

Shownu can feel his heart break at the very moment. He knows Kihyun must be still angry at him, or maybe just hate him just as he said in the practice room. Nonetheless, he followed the later to Changkyun’s room like a lost puppy.

“Kku-kkung, how are you feeling?” Kihyun asked the younger as he remove the cooling sheet and replacing it with the new one.

“Hyung, you’re back!!!” Changkyun hug Kihyun.

“I’m sorry for leaving you guys. You need to eat then take your medicine. I made you beef soup, I’ll go heat them first. Do you need anything?” Kihyun ask as he stood up about to leave to the kitchen. Soon as Changkyun answered by shaking his head, Kihyun walk completely out of the youngest’s bedroom.

Kihyun felt Shownu following him to the kitchen, probably want to say something but Kihyun planned to ignore him. He still felt hurt by what the older did and said. How many more time is Shownu going to humiliated him.

Turning the stove on, Kihyun carefully put the pot of soup on it. While waiting for the soup to get warm, Kihyun prepared the side dishes on the plates before setting them on the tray. After the soup boiled, Kihyun carefully scooping the soup on the glass bowl on his left hand.

“Ouch.” Kihyun yelp as he accidentally poured little amount of the soup on his left hand. Shownu rushed to Kihyun and held his hand, examining the burn wound.

Kihyun quickly pulls his hand. “Don’t touch me.” He hissed to the older before walking to the sink to pour cold water over it.

After feeding Changkyun the soup and tucked him to bed, Kihyun went to his room to unpacked all of his clothes. He suddenly heard a knock on his door. That’s definitely Shownu on the other side of the door. Kihyun wanted to ignore him but he was afraid Changkyun will woke up to the knocking sound as the youngest is a light sleeper. So, he decided to open it.

Crossing his hand on his chest, he asked the older with cold expression. “What do you want?”

“Ki, can we talk?”

“About what? You made yourself clear you didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who being a slut and seduced you. So, what do you want to talk about now?”

“please just let me explain everything.” Shownu begged. He looks so desperate.

Kihyun sighed. “Okay, get in.” Kihyun walk inside his room and sit on his bed while Shownu followed him silently then also sit on Kihyun’s bed with the farthest distance from the younger.

“First, I want to say I’m sorry. For everything I did and said. I was being a monster. And the woman they mention on the scandal, she is not my girlfriend. After the thing that happened with us, I thought I could forget you by dating a girl. She and I, we met at the club. Once. She took photos of us and spread rumor that she is my girlfriend. I didn’t even know she’s married. The thing is Ki, I like you. No. I love you. I tried to deny my feeling, because I thought it would ruin our reputation. As a leader, Its my responsibility to keep our professionality. I was a coward Ki.” Shownu rubbing his face in frustration. Waiting for Kihyun’s reply.

But instead of a reply or even a cold one, Shownu heard a small sob from Kihyun. The later buried his face in his hand. He quickly brought Kihyun to his arm. His hand rubbing the smaller’s back while Kihyun has his hand softly punching Shownu’s chest.

“I hate you Hyung. How can you do that to me. Do you know how hurt it felt to have your best friend turn into stranger when you keep avoiding me. Then when you humiliated me in the practice room, I almost don’t recognize you anymore.”

Shownu didn’t budge when Kihyun keep punching his chest. It were soft punches, Shownu more than willing to take the powerful one. Anything that makes Kihyun feels better.

“I’m so sorry Ki. I regretted it a lot. I was a coward. I didn’t even have the courage to call you. So I asked the manager to call you last night.”

“That was you?”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask from the first week but I thought you needed your rest. So yesterday when Changkyun got fever, I made up my mind to ask for manager hyung’s help.”

“I’m glad you did hyung”

“Ki, would you forgive me?”

Kihyun pulled himself out of Shownu’s arm. He gave the older his sweet smile which Shownu had missed so much.

“I forgave you hyung. And I love you too. “ Kihyun brought himself closer feeling the warmth of Shownu’s body.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what i'm writing. :p 
> 
> but feel free to leave a comment :)


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